imxradtastic

on my own

This is it.


I've finally hit that point where I'm going to break.

I'm 20 years old.  I do everything on my own, and I'm holding together a 9-person family independently.  Do I make all of the money?  No.  But in the ways it really counts, I'm the only constant in this family.  My mother needs open heart surgery.  She was the main caretaker for my grandparents, who in turn are the main caretakers for my aunt and her son.

My grandmother broke her shoulder.  My mom started doing everything.  As soon as my mom was in too much pain to do that, I took over.  I drive her everywhere.  I cook.  I clean.  I do the laundry.  I run all the errands.  I make sure the heating pad is plugged in before she wakes up, and make tea for my dad who has been at work all day.  I spent so much time doing things for my family that I messed up my social life and am now single.  I am exhausted.

I was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder last month.  Looking at myself, it makes sense, but I've yet to truly come to terms with it.  I'm not telling people.  Until I'm struggling too much financially to pay for my medication, I'm going to do this by myself, too.

So, I'm stuck on being obsessively independent.  But, in contrast, all I want to do right now is talk to someone about it.

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