Let’s be honest now,

February 25th, 2007 at 06:57:28 AM

Everyone has their own i-am-better side. That’s a fact, you guys are not saying it but def thinking it, no?

Like I know, that I am not bad at all in piano. My sight read is better than well, those that I have played with before…be it the performance in school, or among my teacher’s students. Yea, I know I can go as fast as I like if I were to practice two three days harder. But obviously I don’t say it. Like, I don’t say it at all. Why? Cause if I am good, there will always be people who are better. The girl I walked past in the mall or just anyone random in the world. I cannot bring myself to say that I am good, for truth be told…I am just not that good enough. Yea, there’s always the word “enough” in my life. I want to be better in anything, everything I do. I feel ugly saying “I am good” or “I’ve done my best”.

There’s no such thing as “best” in my life, there’s just “improve” and “better”. It is not valid. I cannot accept myself or even forgive myself if I were to point to the others how I think I am good. No, good is just not enough. Now, is that greedy? Or in another way saying gluttony? ; ) I am sorry I am born this way. It’s just who I am. I will never stop telling myself how I should improve. Mind the “should” there, should doesn’t mean I am actually doing it…I am lazy all the time, the teachers know it, I know it. But yea, when my mood comes, I will literally want to be better.

So, any toast to being better guys?

I don't look like i care

February 23rd, 2007 at 10:09:11 AM

Do i?

glad my bestie's okay already. PEOPLE. SHE GOT SECOND FOR 1500 EVENT. if thats not a feat then i don't know what is, try rounding 7 rounds (my sku field) and see you die or not. Kekekeke. Yay. Yay. Happy for her! Yay. Lol. Sampatness. Anyway, i have a very intense dislike towards a certain girl who makes my girl friend feels like crap. I feel like skinning her alive. Grr. *control* Oh wells, i will just stare at her if i meet her in malls.

There're a lot of pretty good movies this year. Like Apocalypto, The Prestige, Pan's labyrinth, FlyBoys, Music and lyrics, Ghost Rider. Not to forget spiderman 3, shrek 3, harry potter, bridge to bla bla, 300..hehehehe. Good good year. Cut out the spm part tho. Kekekek. IT's 12.06am and i still tak bathe. I needa go study music again sweat. Like i care if hautbois is actually oboe. Or that piccolo has no reed. I can't even remember them right. Cor Anglais is french horn or eng horn again? Crap.

Give the sh8t la. Went out to qb today. Whoo..with rynnie. Lunch pretty much sucked. Bleh. but the movie was greatttt. music and lyrics! Omg la. The way hugh grant "composed" the song was just awesome man. Play the piano, then electric guitar, then guitar, then the keyboard then the vocals. Fuh. Chun like hell. tho its so damn jiwangggg. but who cares la right, it's so sweet. Aw. And drew barrymore is just hilarious. Kekekek. Two thumbs up for it! Test is in a week and i haven't study. Wow. Congrats to me.

I know

February 22nd, 2007 at 10:01:14 AM

i am better because i am.

Now, say that to yourself a thousand times and realize it true. Don't love the past anymore, you are missing out the future, the present, everything that truly mattered. Everything that matters. The now moments rather than the then moments. Love now. Love who you are. You're much more than just a girl who screwed up something dear. I am sure we all have that. But it's you who can change what had happened into something that will never happen again. Then, let it go. I am sure you can do that, i am sure you will in future. You're much more than just a plain girl down the streets. You're the girl who hold on even tho you're tired, hold on to something i am sure half of us would have given up on. You're the one that have the courage to give and not expect anything in return, the girl that knew her mistakes and grew out of it and changed, into someone much more fuller and beautiful.

And you, you're my best friend. One who knows the meaning of love and its depth. And you're better than that god-damn girl who does not give a sh*t bout love, and who, for all the world's pain does not even look genuinely pretty with her fake 4cm smile and straighten, almost wig-like hair. You're better, because you feel, for real and follow your own instincts and heartfelts, instead of listening to others. And you're just better and greater, simply...simply because you don't see all this and the rest of us do...